Surviving Murder Blog

Our case remains unsolved 26 years and counting

I Think I May Be a Goat

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        One of the great things about chronic pain is it distracts you when it flares up.  Your brain is so focused on keeping you from doing any movement that makes the pain worse, or on trying to ignore the stabbing, searing burn, and sharp undulating pangs in your muscles that goes away almost never.  Yet it serves to drown out the rest of the pain anywhere else in your body or mind for that matter.  However it also means you spend your life on the sidelines, outside looking in because it hurts to crawl around, or wrestle, it’s hard to focus on creative ways to get your child to learn and grow intellectually. good-shepherd1

           It can all be so overwhelming that people not directly in contact with you on a daily basis go on largely unnoticed.  So when you get the message that a friend is sick or gone on to glory, though not surprised in some cases, you still feel guilty.  For not trying harder to get a hold of them and just assuming that they’ll get that voice, text, e-mail or Facebook msg.  Surely they’ll understand that you were in pain, tired and distracted that life is nothing but a lack of time to complete X, Y, Z then if all your stuff is done you can have that chance to call.  But the initial tasks end up growing exponentially within hours and the next day you gotta contend with all the other letters of the alphabet and what you didn’t get done in the first place (referring back to X, Y, and Z).  In the end it all culminates into sucking at life in any given situation thereafter.

It is at these times when you finally humble yourself and ask some divine intervention.  God doesn’t barter and yet the prayers end up sounding like a sketchy contract you created and hope no one calls you out on.  Pleading your case, asking him for his help while attempting to justify your blatant disregard for his plan for you out of hopes that maybe he’s forgotten.  He already knows you were outside looking in and why.  How you busied yourself instead of letting go and following that tug on your heart.  Today is what we have been given, tomorrow is unknown.

          A lot of things can distract and rope us in, but at the end of the day can you be proud of the priorities you set?  I know most days what rules my life and it isn’t the priorities of one who lives the call.  But hopefully I get a chance to try again tomorrow, and will be reminded not to blink, or take the day for granted.  Yes perhaps I will; should tomorrow come that is.

The Sheep and the Goats

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ 

Matthew 25:31-40


Author: Surviving-Murder

This blog is about surviving the murder of my mother which happened after she disappeared in 1988. The case remains unsolved, I hope that getting our case information out in the public helps us move towards closure. Brenda Lee Harvey-Martinez was brutally murdered and the person(s) responsible have walked free for 27 years. The more exposure her story gets the more likely someone will come forward. Please share our story and follow surviving-murder for updates.

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