Surviving Murder Blog

Our case remains unsolved 26 years and counting

To the boy dearest to my heart,


Gavin I’m writing to you here because I want you to know something. I want it in a place where you can always find it because I never want you to forget. First off I love you more than you will ever know. Someday if you have your own child or children you may know and understand how much one person can love another, but there is a very special bond between a mother and her baby and it transcends all things.

You have changed my life in so many beautiful ways you make me smile, laugh and cry. I want to always keep you safe and help you in anyway possible. I am immensely proud of you, and all you are. Do me a favor and pay close attention to my words here because it is my own heart. I know this could be seen by many people but it is truly meant for you. It’s not a show or a ploy for my own benefit. All I will say, I mean and it needs to be somewhere it can not be lost.

I want you to be happy first and foremost. I do not care if you are a millionaire, a surgeon, a teacher, artist, professional skateboarder, motocross, or police officer. A farmer, missionary or a stock broker. But whatever you decide to do as a career do not do so for money because it will fade, you will be sad always chasing after material “things” of the world. Bigger isn’t always better and more distracts you from things that matter in life like love, family and friends.

As you become a man always be kind to others especially when others make it hard to love them, but do not let them walk all over you. You have to love yourself before you can love others and be loved in return. You have an ability to become easily aggravated (I hope it skips a generation) it is from those that came before your mamma, and if you let it define you, you will have a difficult road. Give more than you can and be a part of a community, do not just live for yourself because you will be lonely. Pray and love your creator even when you feel alone and like the world is caving in on you. God is faithful and you can count on him to be your saving grace always. Times will be tough now and again, sometimes it will feel as though they will never end. But it will pass so stand up straight with your chest out, your head high and face that fire because you can get through it!

Take time to do things that make you truly enjoy life; whether it is travel or dedicating some free time to those who are less fortunate than yourself. Doing the same things day after day even if it is what you love can be monotonous.

If you find someone who you can’t live without treat her right. Sometimes she might not be easy to love but that’s normal. We all do things that drive eachother crazy. It is true that you will get exactly what you give, so make sure you’re good to her. Appreciate all that a relationship like marrying your best friend has to offer. Even if she acts like she doesn’t like it tell her she’s beautiful and amazing everyday. Making money and providing for your family may not be enough for them to know you love them, so tell them often so they never doubt it.

You can always count on your daddy and momma should you need anything. If you decide you don’t like living in the same area as us, make sure you call him and me whenever you find the time. We like to know you are safe and doing well.

If something should happen to me like it did to your grandma, do not spend your time worrying over me. Vengeance and anger are not worth the harm it brings to you and those you hold dear that are still alive and needing you. Do not feel you have to fight for my honor or ability to rest because no matter what I am with our maker, and doing fantastically. Let it go as soon as you can and keep those in your charge safe. I do not need you to provide me justice, or anything other than your love. If you love me let that sadness go and honor those things that made our times so very special, no matter how mundane the might seem.

I am so proud of you my handsome, smart and hilarious son. You will do what is right and beyond as you have been taught by us and your family. If it feels wrong or makes you worry then don’t do it. The anxiety it gives you is not worth the momentary gratification that thing might bring. Follow your heart and trust yourself. You’re a clever child and I’m confident that will never change. Be proud of your accomplishments and accountable when you are wrong. Admit when you need help and when you mess up take responsibility.

But above all else no matter what you do, or what kind of man you become I will always love you beyond all else in this world. You’re my boy, my turkey, boo, monkey, buddie, Buddha baby, junior, the Gav and any other name I can or will come up with.

Be happy!! Smile and laugh freely and often.


Author: Surviving-Murder

This blog is about surviving the murder of my mother which happened after she disappeared in 1988. The case remains unsolved, I hope that getting our case information out in the public helps us move towards closure. Brenda Lee Harvey-Martinez was brutally murdered and the person(s) responsible have walked free for 27 years. The more exposure her story gets the more likely someone will come forward. Please share our story and follow surviving-murder for updates.

5 thoughts on “To the boy dearest to my heart,

  1. Pingback: Unsolved but not forgotten; cold cases and memories

  2. Made me cry. Beautifully written Steph. Gavin will always know how much he is loved. ❤

    • I may have cried a bit writing it, I never had that proof when I was young. Everyone told me how much I was loved by mom but I always thought who wouldn’t say that. I’m a bit odd but thank you Al. I miss you ladies btw.

  3. you are a wonderful mother and he will always know this. letters like this will explain your love, but your smile, laugh, and that twinkle in your eyes tell him so much more…..he knows you will always be there for him so his confidence will be natural to him because of this… have given him a solid fouldation to steady himself on when decions get complicated. he knows right from wrong so he can go to school with your love and common sence and have the brains and confidence to survive

Share your thoughts on this post

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s